WHAT'S DISTRACTING AND DRAINING YOU?

In my last blog/video, I shared about my Village Theory. If you’ve not seen that video, be sure to check it out, because it has applications here. Today’s world has a way of pulling us in multiple directions and we’re so busy putting out “fires” that we often don’t stop to evaluate those “fires”. Let’s take a moment to do that today!

Click on the image to watch the short video!

WHAT'S DISTRACTING AND DRAINING YOU?

WHAT ARE FIRES?

Investing in healthy habits is critical and investing in those habits consistently is key in yielding long-term results and dividends in our life, health, and wellness.

“Fires” are those occasional urgent things that interrupt or pull us away from our everyday habits and life; from our consistency.  They require us to stop and address them. And rightly so, because they are important and should be dealt with. The issue exists when we are fighting "fires" every day.

HERE'S AN EXAMPLE OF A "FIRE" 

You’re on your way to your local gym, when your homebound family member calls and asks you to please run to the store right away because she needs butter for a recipe she’s already started and is in the middle of. So, you turn the car around and rush to the store and deliver the butter. And, though you feel good about helping your family member and putting out that “fire,” you’ve now missed your workout and your window of opportunity to complete it.

Again, it’s not a big deal when this happens occasionally, but if it happens often and consistently, then it sabotages your time, energy, and focus. It’s important to take a mindful moment when you come upon a “fire.” Stop what you are doing and become curious asking several questions:

• Is that actually a “fire”?” Remember, “fires” are those things that are urgent and worthy of pulling our time, energy, and focus; of interrupting our day-to-day consistency. Often, we are pulled into a situation or thought pattern that makes us feel as if something is urgent, when it actually isn’t. Taking a moment to recognize and differentiate whether something is truly a “fire” or not, will go a long way in reducing your stress, fight-or-flight response, and your sanity.

• If it is a “fire,” is it actually MY “fire?” Often, we allow the urgency and drama of someone else’s situation to pull us into thinking their “fire” is also our “fire.” This one can feel a bit harsh, watching someone deal with their “fire,” and being available, but not necessarily stepping in to put it out for them. It can feel a bit uncomfortable, and many of us have been trained to avoid discomfort, so we step in and put that “fire” out, so our discomfort is resolved. Really, in many of these situations, what we need to work on is being more comfortable with discomfort. I’ll elaborate on this more in a minute.

• What “fires” are left that I need to deal with? You’ve already removed distractions that aren’t “fires” and those “fires” that aren’t your “fires,” so then you are left with only YOUR true fires. What’s interesting here is that I’ve noticed that I personally don’t have that many “fires” when it comes down to it. I can easily manage the “fires” in my life, because I’ve removed the distractions of the rest. Those distractions are what actually drain us and make us less useful overall.

BEING INTENTIONAL WITH OUR TIME AND ENERGY

So, back to the scenario about the family member. You’re on the phone with this family member and you ask yourself, “Is this an actual “fire?” I mean, she started the recipe already. That can be so frustrating! Been there! But you aren’t smelling smoke (pun intended). This isn’t actually a “fire” at all, and if my family member sees it as a “fire,” that doesn’t make it less of a “fire” for her, but it also doesn’t make it become a “fire" for me.

And, I know what you may be thinking right now!

“Are you telling me to ignore her request and go on to the gym while she is ‘suffering?’”

It doesn't seem very nice! And most of us have been trained to be nice, which means fire or not, everyone else comes before me, right? We have been trained to be nice, to be useful, to be needed. But does dropping your routine right now actually serve you or your family member? I really like Kris Reese’s statement about being nice vs loving: She states, “Love confronts, nice appeases.” Christ demonstrates for us times when He loved others and also loved himself.

In this situation with your family member, there just isn’t a need to feed into the urgency that’s been presented. Here’s a sample conversation demonstrating love to this family member.

Family member: “Oh my gosh, I’m in the middle of my recipe and realize I don’t have butter. Can you run to the store quick and bring it to me!”

You: “Oh, that is the worst! Been there and it is so frustrating. My time is booked today, but I plan on going to the store tomorrow, and I’ll get you some butter. Is there anything else I can get for you while I’m at the store tomorrow?”

Family member: “I appreciate you going to the store tomorrow, but what about my recipe now? I’ll have to waste what I've started mixing!”

You: “I’m so sorry about that. The last time that happened to me, I said “NEVER AGAIN!” and I now pull out all my ingredients onto the counter before I ever start the recipe. That way, I don’t start mixing until I know I’m good to go.”

HOW A MINDFUL APPROACH SERVE US ALL

This conversation, though a little uncomfortable for you both, does several things.

• It offers your family member empathy, validating her frustration and situation.

• It offers clear boundaries, stating that even though you recognize her frustration and situation, it doesn’t warrant an urgent or immediate response that requires you derail your day.

• It keeps accountability for consequences where they belong – with your family member. She may waste a bit of the food she already mixed, but that's actually okay.

• It communicates to your family member (and to yourself) that your schedule, time, energy, and focus are all important and consistent investment in them is critical for when true “fires” pop up.

• And lastly, it helps grow your family member.

We’ve lost the art of holding each other accountable and responsible in today’s world, and there is nothing wrong with allowing the discomfort and consequences to settle a bit, so personal growth can occur. What your family member just experienced isn’t comfortable or fun, but there really isn’t anything to fix, so it doesn’t actually deserve the label of “fire” and certainly doesn’t deserve to pull you away from your investment in your mental and physical health.

PLAN AHEAD

Remember, you aren’t going to be able to have this conversation if you haven’t already determined what’s important, what do you value, who’s in your village, and which “fires” aren’t yours.

What’s distracting and draining you? A little curiosity and mindfulness around those “fires” will go along way to saving your energy, time, and focus so it’s there when it’s really needed.

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Check out Kris Reese YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN6-vUmAO3nNEO5nVIGgLWw